Holidays are tricky times for divorced families. For parents, it can be troublesome knowing your teen is enjoying special moments with the other parent. For your teen, a juggled schedule between families can be very disruptive and disheartening. 

Despite the challenges that come with celebrating holidays in a split family, these tips can help ensure that your family still enjoys a wonderful holiday season:

Successful scheduling. Consider what events are most important and respect that teens may have special requests, such as attending certain family parties or continuing a long-standing family tradition. Map it out and see what works. 

Give well wishes and be fully supportive to your teen when he is with the other side of the family. Saying you miss him might be misunderstood and make him feel guilty for not being with you.  Ask about his plans for the day and be sure to tell him to enjoy it!

Think creatively when it comes to gifts. If possible, collaborate with your ex so as to avoid duplicate gifts.  Or, consider splitting high cost items to show that both parents can come together for the good of your child.

Finally, create new memories so that the old ones aren’t missed. It’s about starting anew and coming up with fresh, new memories that your child can always look fondly back upon.

I recently read an article on WebMD that discussed Internet addiction. Researchers examined the relationship between psychiatric symptoms and Internet addiction in 2,162 junior high students over a period of two years.  About 11% of study participants were classified as having an Internet addiction in the initial assessment. This is an alarmingly high statistic.

The Internet can be used as a serious escape from reality. Just as an addict takes drugs or alcohol to mask personal pain or escape reality, one can hide in the electronic world to avoid real life. 
 
Watch your kids to see if the amount of time on the Internet is excessive. Does your Internet addict forgo other pleasurable opportunities to engage electronically?  Is he unpleasant when not engaged with a game controller? A temporary obsession might be developmentally appropriate, especially if a there is a new found game or website, but long hours spent in front of a screen might be a sign of addiction.
 
Regulate all screen time including computers, texting, TV, and video games. Make sure these screens are in an easy place for passive monitoring. Talk to your kids about their Internet use and contact a professional if you think there is a problem.

Teens and cell phones

Texting has been in the news as kids head back to school.  The NBC Today Show did a feature story about a rather graphic commercial related to the hazards of teen texting while driving. I think it makes a big statement, but some critics also think the ad is a bit over the top. What do you think? What the video.

Another story on an NBC affiliate reports that teen “sexting” is so out of control in a Texas school district that school officials have developed disciplinary consequences for this inappropriate act. “Sexting” is when kids send inappropriately suggestive pictures to each other. View the story.

Make sure you know how your kids are using their cell phones. If you would like to read up on some strategies and ideas for discussing proper cellular/texting use with you teenagers, I have a great article and TV interview clip on my media page.

All parents lecture their kids. Even as an adult child, my mother still lectures me usually about how I am raising my kids. Interestingly, I know that parental lecturing is an ineffective method of persuasion, but I feel it is my adult right to “annoy” my children with lengthy and meaningful/less stories to make them better men.

Parents are reasonable people, so why do we do we lecture? It’s like this, your son does something annoying or makes a bad decision, and you feel it is your obligation to share a piece of parental wisdom based on one of your previous experiences.  For example, grades are slipping, and you decide, for the 10th time, to explain to your “interested” offspring that good grades pave the way to a good college that in turns paves the way to a successful life.  Do you really expect your child to understand, and then go study many more hours because he recognizes your brilliance?

It is as if we parents believe our great ideas will take root in the adolescent brain, flower, and generate new and productive behaviors. And, for some reason, we can’t stop ourselves from delivering the ineffective lecture. So, let’s embrace our flaws, proudly lecture our children, but also know when we need to close our parental mouths. Learn to read your annoyed adolescents non-verbal cues. If he looks tolerant then enjoy your moment; however, if he scowls and rolls his eyes—he’s annoyed. It is time for you as a parent to move on and wait for another day to impart your wisdom.

Whenever there is change, anxiety is natural. Back to school time often causes mixed emotions as kids are both excited and anxious about returning to school. Seeing friends, sharing summer stories, and back to school shopping can make the start of the school year fun. On the other side of the coin, many students are also very nervous as the fall semester begins.

Back to school anxieties typically fall into two categories: the “whos” and the “enoughs”. The“whos” are who will be my teachers, who will be in my class, and who will sit next to me at lunch. The “enoughs” are am I good enough to make the team, smart enough to get grades, and cool enough to not be bullied. Kids worry about both social/emotional issues and academics.

Below are a few tips to assist with helping your son or daughter ease back into the school routine and reduce first day jitters.

• Validate your child’s anxiety and listen to their worries.
• If your teen needs to cry, let him; that may be the ticket to feeling better.
• Involve your anxious adolescent in back to school responsibilities. Take them school shopping, discuss schedules, and highlight good things about the first weeks of school.
• Train for the start of school and have your teen practice waking up early to avoid first week crabbiness.
• If you feel the anxiety problem is major, discuss concerns with the school counselors and/or teachers.
• School anxiety should be temporary. If the problem persists, consider professional assistance.

Do you have a good strategy for reducing back to school anxiety, or a good story about how your child made the transition from summer time fun to school time excitement? Please share it.

I recently sat in with the Phillips & Company St. Louis Morning Show on Y98 FM. The topic — how parents should manage their teenager’s Web interaction in light of new and ever changing technologies like Skype and I-Chat. These latest forms of social networking are becoming more and more popular with teens and young adults. In fact, video calls are the modern day party line where teens can both see and hear each other. What is a parent to do?

Teenagers will always understand computers much better than any adult. Consider reversing the roles a bit and asking your teenager to show you how to use the latest technologies. This is a great way to connect with your kids and learn something new.

Most of the adult population will never understand computers they way our kids do. Ask for their help, and embrace the time you are spending with your teens. Kids don’t go online; they ARE online 24/7 because technology is part of their everyday lives.

To hear more about this topic, check out my radio appearance by clicking on the following link: Listen to Russell .