Separation Anxiety and the First Day of School

  • 1

Separation Anxiety and the First Day of School

Tags : 

Most back to school articles tend to talk about preparing kids for the first days of school, and this is an important, attention worthy topic. I, however, want to focus on us, the parents, and how we deal with the freedom that September brings. While many are excited to reclaim their homes and their free time, some actually dread the start of school and experience significant stress about their child’s academic success, social circles, and self esteem.

Parents, just like their children, can experience anxiety as summer vacation ends. Furthermore, an anxious adult can negatively impact their child’s mood as kids have an intuitive sense about their parents’ emotional state. If we don’t keep our feelings under control, our kids may mirror our behavior.

The pangs of separation often impact parents as they overly worry about how their children are adjusting to the start of school. In fact, some mothers drop by the classroom and send teacher emails to alleviate their concerns. Others overcome their anxiety by delving into household projects or other “productive” tasks. These short-term fixes, however, may not relieve those anxious feelings, so try to engage in some endorphin boosting activities such as running or scheduling extra time at the gym.

Many parents also rightfully fear that the initial separation associated with the first day of school will be overly emotional for themselves and their children. Visions of a crying child often loop through a concerned mother’s mind especially because this could actually happen. Emotional or not, parents need to exit school quickly after the initial drop off. In fact, a parental presence typically prolongs the stressful situation. While it is painful to see a panicked child, parents need to keep a stiff upper lip and move on. Teachers are well equipped to handle these opening day meltdowns.

Another big stressor is being unprepared for the start of the new school year. Many women focus on getting kids ready with back to school shopping, visiting the appropriate doctors, and attending to last minute details. It is just as important, however, to review school paperwork which contains valuable information about your child’s teachers, room number, and needed school supplies. Also, pay attention to adjusted hours that often accompany the first few days of school. This will ensure the first week goes smoothly reducing not only your anxiety but also creating a positive experience for your kids.

The start of school has also been known to create moody, cranky children causing many parents to be overly apprehensive about the first few weeks. These elevated emotions are the result of newly imposed structure. Students spend all summer waking when they want and lounging about the house. Overnight, they must get up early and eat at scheduled times. A week before the opening bell, structure the day like school is in session. Adjusting the internal body clock prior to the big day puts everyone in a better mood.

Also, don’t forget to talk to your kids about opening day jitters. Parents should not only reassure but also problem solve. Show empathy, work on real solutions to their valid concerns, and avoid dwelling too much on the situation. Parents can create bigger issues if they over focus on a child’s problems. Once you realize that your student is well prepared, your parental anxieties will be significantly reduced.

Lastly, to further alleviate any anxious parental feelings, email your child’s teacher. Professionals are happy to provide feedback about school progress. In fact, be specific about your concerns to receive relevant information about your situation. Teachers appreciate the inquires, and this will further insure that both you and your child have a stress free start.

The beginning of the school year is a period of adjustment for all family members. A good start, however, will benefit a student’s attitude, confidence, and performance long after the opening bell has rung. Even if things get a bit shaky, parents need to maintain a positive attitude. Time will resolve most issues, and kids are actually more resilient than their parents realize.


1 Comment

Adam D. Oglesby

August 25, 2012at 7:34 pm

I well remember my first day of school.

I was five, which by today’s standards of three year olds being commonly left in day care/pre-schools made me a grizzled veteran. I was so anxious to start school, sporting my new outfit, strolling along the route in the September sunshine.

I remember marching into the classroom all grins and giggles, being usher to a seat at a long community table with a group of future classmates and then—presto, change-o—my mother somehow sliped away.

What the heck!

I was no squeamish, trembling, punk kid—or at least that’s what I thought. But man, I was definitely shaking in my boots when I found myself utterly without parental supervision for the first time in my life.

Funny thing is, my mother’s no-nonsense technique was to simply exit the premises without a wave, a kiss goodbye, a last handshake, nothing, not a single mention of the fact she’d be pulling a vanishing act.

This was apparently a technique started and refined over multiple siblings of mine who had gone before me.
Right or wrong, this was just her way of skinning that particular cat. It worked but brother did I have eyes as big as saucers for a few anxious minutes.

I’m proud to say I was not one of those brats who bawled and climbed the walls like a…like a five year old.

I took it like a man.

Leave a Reply