Category Archives: Videos

  • 18
    Dec 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

Public Violence

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With the recent amount of tragic events, children are being exposed to public violence. Dr. Hyken was on Fox2Now discussing how to talk to your children about these events.

Ladue News gathered a group of professional counselors who shared their advice for families undergoing trauma and tragedy in their lives.

Dr. Russell Hyken, psychotherapist/education diagnostician, Educational & Psychotherapy Services

  • First, ask your son or daughter what they have heard about the event. If the children do have those gory details, then change the direction of conversation and focus on the good people supporting the teachers and parents.
  • Reassure children that their school is safe and tell them of the school’s protocols. “That’s what children want to hear—that they will be safe.”
  • When young children do voice their concerns and worries, acknowledge their feelings. Then, re-direct their energy and do something fun.
  • It is important to build time into your week to spend time with your children. “It doesn’t have to be serious conversations; but by having that time, children will feel comfortable talking with you in the future when serious or troubling issues occur in their lives.”

Rekha Ramanuja, child and adolescent psychologist, Clayton Behavioral and Epworth’s Residential Treatment Program

  • Talk to friends, family, or a specialist. If you are a grieving parent, then you need an outlet quickly.
  • If the child is actually a witness or survivor to a traumatic event, then there is no simple way to deal with everything your child is experiencing. “But start by letting your children know that you love them and are going to support them.”
  • If the child is afraid, “Be patient and let the child know this feeling will not be the same forever. Just let them know you’re available to talk.”
  • It is OK to say, “I don’t know the answer, but we’ll find it together.”
  • Children and teenagers display signs of stress differently. Some talk a lot, ask numerous questions, have stomachaches or headaches, or become preoccupied with the issue.
  • Older children may display changes in personality or in their habits. Parents can start begin a conversation by saying, “I noticed that you’re not yourself. Is it the shooting (or other traumatic event)? It’s OK, because it has affected me, too.”
  • If you are asking too many questions, then back off; let your child sort out their thoughts and come to you.
  • 21
    Nov 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

ADHD

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The number of children diagnosed with ADHD has increased by 66% over the last ten years. While this number may be shocking, it’s not all bad news. Dr. Hyken was on Fox2Now discussing the symptoms to look for, how to be tested and the available treatments.

  • 01
    Oct 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

Teens Who Argue are Less Likely to Give into Peer Pressure

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Teens who are able to hold their own during family discussions/arguments, are better able to resist negative peer influences. In a recent segment on KTVI-TV in St. Louis, Dr. Russell Hyken discusses how to argue productively.

According to a recent study from the University of Virginia, parents who encourage their children to have their own opinions and who make a point of discussing/debating tough issues have children who are less likely to succumb to peer pressure.

When we discuss arguing/debating in this context, I am not referring to emotionally dis-regulated outbursts. And it is never acceptable to participate in over-the-top name-calling, or knock-down, drag-out arguments. Heated discussions of appropriate intensity and length are, however, growth-promoting opportunities.

Children benefit from having the opportunity to articulate and defend their own opinion on home turf and hear what their parents think. In fact, it is a safe way for kids to practice standing up for oneself. If teens don’t have a place to discuss tough issues related to sexual relationships, drug/alcohol use, curfews, and other teen concerns, then they may resort to experimenting or acting out without the benefit of parental guidance.

Furthermore, if teens are going to embrace the values and opinions of their family more than those of their peers, they need to feel that mom and dad understand them and will listen to them. Additionally, kids that are secure in their ability to turn to their parents when they are under stress are less likely to feel overly dependent on their friends and are thus, less likely, to be influenced by peer behaviors.

To encourage these conversations, let’s start with how you shouldn’t argue. Going through the motions of listening is not enough, drive by empathy doesn’t work. So, don’t cut your kids off, minimize, or be sarcastic. If you do then they are going to ignore or cut you off because they do not feel safe expressing themselves.

Parents need to learn to understand how their kids are thinking and to see things from their point of view. If you can do this, your kids will be more open.

Here are a few tips that will set the tone for productive discussions.

  • Model appropriate communication strategies and resolution skills. Keep voices low as yelling escalates the situation.
  • Demonstrate listening by engaging in appropriate turn taking exchanges and respond with clarifying statements that convey understanding.
  • End your arguments properly. Keep discussions short and resolve the conflict. Sometimes this will mean agreeing to disagree.
  • Lastly, remember you are the parent. In matters of health and safety, it is okay to lay down the law.

The ultimate goal of listening/arguing is to foster your teen’s autonomy while maintaining a positive relationship with them. Listen, respond, and respect what they have to say even if you disagree. If you can do this, your kids will ultimately make good decisions. And if they don’t they will at least be open to discussing the situation with you.

  • 11
    Sep 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

What Parents Need to Know About Instagram

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Do you know what your kids are sharing online? And what sites they are using to do their sharing? It’s a good time to ask. Have you heard about Instagram. If you have not, you will. FaceBook recently paid over 700 Million dollars to purchase this social network (deal approved September 6, 2012) that has over 80 million subscribers.

What exactly is Instagram?

It is like Facebook and Twitter got together and had a baby, Instagram is a free photo-sharing program and social network  service that was launched in October 2010. The service allows users to take a photo and then share it with others Instagram users (followers) in real time. Remember the “Instamatic” cameras of your youth. Instagram makes that concept digital, shoot a picture, and “instantly” share it with a friend.

Why kids like it?

Kids can set up a private network that only their followers can see. So kids feel safer with their “exclusive” network of followers and parents seem to be more accepting of Instagram as a safe online medium. Kids also like to share pictures. Posting photos of the family dog, things around the house or activities with friends are fun to share. Sometimes kids and even adults can’t explain why something is funny or cool, but a picture is worth a 1000 words. A quick snap and short sentence can create instant attention.

And it is this attention that kids enjoy. They wait for others to comment on their photo or post and give their “like” sign of approval. Kids can chat for hours over an Instagram post with others joining the conversation. Fun, fast, and funny-what kid would not want to participate?

What Parents Need to Know

According to Instagram, it is not for children under the age of 13. Instagram has strict   Terms of Use   and Community Guidelines   that make their age requirement clear. That said, many younger kids are using it. I am personally aware that the majority of my son’s fifth grade class is on this photo sharing service. The age of participants is not verified by Instagram, and kids can download Instagram without their parent’s permission.

I am not advocating for kids to be on Instagram, In fact, debating the age appropriateness with children or adults can be difficult, time consuming, and answers will vary. There is, however, an argument to be made for teaching kids how to use social media — to share their experiences and take on the world online — and Instagram has a way of encouraging people to be creative about it. I could see this app sparking an interest in photography, visual art, and graphic design. Also, banning your tech savvy child from Instagram could be a true challenge. There comes an age where it is better to know what your kids are doing than to have your kids hide it.

During your conversation about Instagram with your child, here are some key points to cover.

  • Friends should be people you know—classmates, family members, camp friends. Friends should not be friends of friends of friends.
  • You, as the parent, will set and check the privacy setting on Instagram so only their followers can see their photos. By default,   anyone  can view the photos  uploaded to Instagram. Parents, it is your job to ensure you child does not accidently turn off privacy settings.
  • Parents should follow and monitor their children’s use of all social media on an almost daily basis, but especially Instagram as it is very popular right now.
  • Educate and speak with your kids about what they are posting.
    • Make them aware that others may feel left out if they post an excessive amount of photos with a particular friends.
    • Discuss appropriateness of the jokes and photos they share.
    • Emphasize that kids are to avoid posting and responding to rude comments.
    • They should make you aware whenever they feel upset by a post.
  • Designate time when your kids are allowed to be on Instagram. After homework, before bed, weekend only, etc.
  • Network with the other parents. Check in with them at school functions or social gatherings to make sure they are aware their kids are online and enforcing consistent rules.
  • 23
    Aug 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

Helping Kids Reduce the Pain of Comparisons

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When kids return to school this fall, they will do what kids have always done—start making comparisons. Unfortunately, some may feel they don’t measure up as they compare vacations, clothes, or their relative popularity. In a recent segment on KTVI-TV in St. Louis, Dr. Russell Hyken discusses what parents can do to better understand why their child may feel inadequate and how to help them cope with that “everyone else is better than me” feeling.

  • 30
    Jul 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

Five Phrases Parents Should Avoid

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Most parents know that good communication is the key to a healthy relationship with their children. What’s equally important to know is what constitutes poor communication — the words and phrases that can undermine self-esteem and trigger power struggles in the family. In a recent segment on KTVI-TV in St. Louis, Dr. Hyken discusses five phrases parents should avoid when speaking to their children.

  • 14
    Jun 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

Summer Depression

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While summer is generally considered a time to relax and enjoy warm weather fun, for some it can also be a time marked by feelings of depression and restlessness commonly known as the ‘summertime blues.’ This condition can have a range of causes, including disrupted schedules, body image and financial issues, and even discomfort caused by the heat. In this recent segment on KTVI-TV in St. Louis, Dr. Hyken offers some important tips to help viewers beat the blues this summer.

  • 24
    May 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

The Parent Playbook

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Dr. Hyken’s new book, The Parent Playbook, offers parents responsible, practical, easy-to-implement answers to some of the toughest questions they face. In this recent television segment, Dr. Hyken discusses parenting strategies from the book with JiaoJiao Shen of KSHB-TV in Kansas City.

  • 16
    May 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

Effective Communication for Boys and Girls

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A recent study published by the University of Missouri revealed new insights into the teen brain and the way boys and girls communicate about problems they are facing. When parenting teens, adults need to understand the different ways boys and girls perceive and talk about challenges so that they can provide the best possible support for their sons and daughters.  In this recent clip from KTVI-TV in St. Louis, Dr. Hyken discusses the communication preferences of boys and girls, and how parents (and spouses) can use this information to make all family voices heard.

  • 02
    May 12
  • Russell Hyken
  • 0

Staying Home Alone

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Age, temperament and ability to reason are all factors which must be taken into consideration before introducing new levels of freedom while parenting teens and pre-teens. But if your children are ready, staying home alone can be an exciting step on the journey toward independence. To make it a positive experience, parents need to be able to identify when their child is ready and what they can do to make staying home alone safe and enjoyable. In this recent segment on KTVI-TV in St. Louis, Dr. Hyken offers tips to help parents know how and when to leave kids safely home alone.

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Dr. Russell Hyken

Educational + Psychotherapy Services, LLC
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